It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
