i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
