Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
