hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
