it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You took a bar mat shot.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
