Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
