hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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