no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
