Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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