nut hugger
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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