in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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