WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just high enough for therapy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
