upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
