I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
