I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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