Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
