hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
