i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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