dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
