were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
