I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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