i can't believe i had my finger in that
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
