You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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