So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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