We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
