they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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