Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Welp...herpes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
accomplished twins. life is a go
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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