My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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