he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
