you guys were way drunker than both of me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
