where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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