OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
