and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
