I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
