This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
