Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
