so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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