I just threw up on my dentist
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
