Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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