i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
