with your own penis?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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