Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
