I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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