Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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