every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
