carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
