those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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