I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
