Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
