I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My vagina is very pro this idea
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
