hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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