It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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