im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
