Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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