Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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