tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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