from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
