how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He did a backflip because drugs
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