Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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