I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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