she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
