Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
